In a world where we celebrate the bare minimum in relationships, we tend to label women with higher standards “high maintenance.” It’s easier to placate ourselves into thinking that women who ask for less are somehow “more.” In reality, they’re more quiet. More demure. More people-pleasing. More willing to bend over backwards. More willing to take people’s shit. People assume women with lower standards are easier to deal with and thus “safer” in some way – but they’re only easier to deal with if you’re actively looking for someone to control rather than a compatible partner. The truth is, being “high maintenance” or a woman with high standards is rarely about being rude or abrasive – or entitled. It’s about having higher standards for what you want out of life – and that includes love.

The so-called high maintenance woman with high standards is stereotyped as a woman who is shrill or domineering. In reality she’s just likely to be healthily assertive, high-value and in possession of basic boundaries. For some people, a woman simply existing and daring to speak is “too much.” This is gaslighting, not accuracy.  For men who “enjoy” a more high-maintenance woman with higher standards, it’s because he himself is high-value and has the emotional capacity to be generous to her and treat her well: he has the capacity and ability to meet her needs on all fronts. The high-maintenance woman is less likely to take mistreatment or pretend you’re amazing just to be in a relationship. She is less likely to say something pleases her when it doesn’t. She expresses her gratitude and appreciation immensely – but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for constructive growth.  This means if she wants to be with you, it’s a compliment. She took your actual personality traits and behaviors into account and determined you were a match. This is different from a woman with low boundaries who will settle for whoever and whoever comes her way.

The woman with high standards will gently want more from you because she knows you’re capable of it. She has standards to ensure her needs get met because she knows she will go to the moon and back to meet the needs of her partners and friends. She resists exploitation and attempts to demean her. Sometimes, she fights back. This is a good thing – that means she sees herself as worthy and deserving of respect. If you want a woman who will never fight back or stand up for herself, that means you’re someone interested in devaluation and control. You’re looking to prey on someone vulnerable and “easy.” Women with high standards for themselves are often labeled “difficult” because the person on the receiving end wants to do the bare minimum while receiving the world in return; a woman with lower standards may please these types of manipulators, but a woman with higher standards thrives in relationships with consistency, mutual trust, and reciprocity.

Men who date women with high standards tend to be high quality, respectful men. They love the fire, ambition, and spark of an healthily assertive woman because they know it means they won’t be able to get away with any schemes or agendas, and she wouldn’t be settling for anything below the bar. That means these men are top-tier, and are chosen for a reason. They have to actually raise their own lifestyle, goals, dreams, just to keep up with her. The high-maintenance woman brings them to greater heights – they feel inspired by her and are in awe of her. They exhibit healthy masculinity and know how to take in feedback and learn from it. They grow just by being in the presence of a high-value woman. They love making such women happy because it makes them happy to see their partners shine.

If you’re with a woman with high standards, it’s reflected in her choices of her partners. She knows you’re a man who can provide for her, fulfill her, and satisfy her. High-value men are proud to be with such a woman because it means they’re winning. Manipulators look for women who don’t have high standards because it means they can get away with more while their partners receive less. The next time you’re called a “high-maintenance woman,” make sure to take it as the compliment that it is – and don’t ever let a bare minimum society convince you to lower your standards.